Two Hours

This morning I had 2 hours to myself for the first time in 7 and a half months, so I wanted to take some time to reflect on where my life has gone over the past year or so...

The Order of Magnitude

The order of magnitude in my life will always be (at least how I want it to be): God -> Wife -> Children -> Everything else. My note there was a very brief foreshadow to the fact that it is really hard to do those things in that order all of the time. I know this because around 7 and a half months ago my wife and I had our first child. She is an absolute joy, an answered prayer, and one of our biggest blessings in life. There is literally nothing bad about her, but (people say there is always a but...) sleep has become sporadic. Some weeks are worse than others, and, overall, she isn't a terrible sleeper, but it has been a while since I felt ready to go at 5 AM like I was this morning.

4:45 AM

Okay Stephen..? What's the point you're trying to make here? Yeah I'm getting to that! Prior to my daughter, I was up at 4:45 AM 95% of the time. It's when I had my me time - I made coffee, read my Bible, journaled my prayer, got personal work done, and sometimes just did absolutely nothing. My wife loves to say that I'm an extrovert, and while that can be true, I know that I need my time in order to be the best version of myself.

And while I haven't been a terrible servant, husband, or father, I know that I haven't been at my best as of late. A LOT has been going on in my life over the last year. Weddings, finishing up pregnancy, having the baby, figuring out how to be a dad, trying to sell life insurance to make extra money, aborting that completely, and then starting a new corporate job have all been a bunch of change and stress - which means... I haven't kept that order of magnitude that I hold so dearly to.

Should I Just Give Up Sleep?

My relationship with the LORD hasn't fallen away by any means, but it definitely is always the first thing to be pushed to the side, and I've been feeling convicted by that. This morning really showed me how important it is because it was the first morning where I was able to have a quiet time that truly mattered. I made coffee, read my Bible, journaled my prayer, got personal work done, and for a little bit just did absolutely nothing! I haven't felt this good overall in a long time... What's interesting is that I was away from my wife and daughter for 3 days last week. I had a hotel room to myself where I could do whatever I wanted with the free time that I had. I had alone time, but I didn't feel refreshed at all during that time.

I'm not trying to escape my life. I love my life. I'm just noticing that the way that I spend my free time really matters. This morning I was intentional with the time that I had. I did the things that fill me up and move the needle in a way that makes a difference. I haven't felt this refreshed and at peace holistically in quite a while.

That's why it begs the question, "Should I just give up sleep?" I think the answer is yes, but I don't want to cause myself to be rundown and tired all the time... idk there is a lot to balance in life at all times, and, again, my priorities are God -> Wife -> Child. Being tired all the time sacrifices wife and child, so I need to think through it some more 😅